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Dimensions & Characters

  • Real-life dimension
  • Film dimension
  • Screenplay dimension
  • Character waitingroom dimension (Limbo)

Writer and Girlfiend

REAL-LIFE WRITER/DIRECTOR, who later plays Hazzard Dean in his film within Our Fantasies Are Eating Us Alive!, and his REAL-LIFE GIRLFRIEND (who later plays Girlfriend) both struggle with their relationship and careers.

Writer and Girlfriend

WRITER/DIRECTOR, Real-life Writer/Director’s romanticized portrait of himself, as played by another actor, struggles to complete his screenplay and overcome his insecurities in the hopes of salvaging his relationship with (his) GIRLFRIEND, played by Real-life Girlfriend.

Danny, Hazzard, Wilson and Hoyt

The contentious Dean family is forced to dispose of a dead (and naked) body when HAZZARD DEAN and his perpetually worried best friend, WILSON, catch his wife SARAH with her gangster lover, HOYT. Attempting to protect her husband, Sarah shoots Hoyt when he attacks Hazzard. To complicate matters further, the Deans have to keep this from their son, DANNY, who suffers from Writer/Director’s inability to complete anything – he is only partially conceived and thus invisible.

Hoyt

HOYT, before being shot & stuffed into  a child-sized sleeping bag.

Lizard Man, Ninjas, Beard Lady, Philip Somethingworth III, Sword Swallower and other Orphaned Characters

Characters from Writer/Director’s multitude of abandoned screenplays languish “tossed aside––incomplete” as their fates remain uncertain and stories unfinished. The escape and rebellion of PHILLIP SOMETHINGWORTH III, a sideshow SWORDSWALLOWER and the taciturn NINJAS escalate Writer/Director & the Dean family’s problems.

Story

REAL-LIFE WRITER/DIRECTOR addresses the camera, describing the personal introduction he wants to give his movie ”like…MGM has…the Lion and Universal…the planet in space”... only for his girlfriend to shoot him down from off-screen. He does it anyway.
WILSON meets a down-in-the-dumps HAZZARD DEAN at a bar. Hazzard has hatched a plan to catch his wife cheating on him: surprise her with a camera when she thinks he’s out of town. “What if it’s all in your head?” Wilson objects (amidst his own struggles to flag down a waitress), but Hazard appeals to their friendship and convinces Wilson to accompany him.
Outside HAZZARD’s house, Hazzard loses his mojo, wondering what he will say after he busts in. WILSON suggests “aha!”—which Haz insists nobody would say—and restores Haz’s confidence by repeatedly singing the only line of “Nobody’s Gonna Break My Stride” he can remember in loop.
Inside, Hazzard’s wife SARAH tries to kick out her oafish beau HOYT after she learns that she and Hazzard’s son, Danny, has had a fight at a sleepover and needs to be picked up. Unsatisfied, Hoyt continues to attempt to seal the deal until Sarah asks him to stop—she thinks she hears someone singing outside...
HAZZARD DEAN bursts in and snaps a photo of his wife and naked Hoyt, pausing awkwardly before shouting “aha!” The naked Hoyt roars and lunges at Haz.
Outside, WILSON explains his Xanax idiosyncrasies directly to the camera before he hears a gunshot, causing him to start choking on the tiny pill, “death by Xanax!”
Desperate for water, Wilson bursts into the house, where SARAH has shot Hoyt in defense of her husband. Hazzard insists her intervention was unnecessary, “He may have had the upper hand for a few moments, but that’s only because his - it was hard! And it kept grazing my leg as he punched me and it threw me off!”
Heimliched by HAZZARD, WILSON pleads with them to call the police. SARAH says they can’t for fear of retribution. They proceed to debate how to get rid of the body: “In movies they chop the body up before they bury it, but why? Is it strictly a transportational issue or are they destroying the evidence?”
Cut to WRITER / DIRECTOR’s apartment, where he’s asking his Girlfriend for feedback. She insists the theme of being betrayed by a lover is in all of his work, and reads from some of his other scripts to prove it -Bearded Lady leaves Swordswallower for Lizard-man, Untitled Woman-Betraying-Man Screenplay.
Meanwhile, the characters Writer/Director was writing find themselves in a bleak waiting room, WILSON now near-catatonic from Xanax and DANNY still invisible.
Exploring the dilapidated limbo, HAZZARD and SARAH encounter ninjas, circus performers, Roman soldiers, Vikings and more. Confused, Hazzard and Sarah try to make sense of where they are only to be taken by surprise by a surly limbo ATTENDANT, “Your story is on hiatus. Please feel free to enjoy a complementary beverage in the cafeteria.”
PHILLIP SOMETHINGWORTH III, a verbose British toff becoming unhinged at being cast into limbo with an absurdly large mustache for eternity, explains the vagaries of slipping out of one’s story: the characters possess self-awareness in the waiting room, but won’t remember this place if the writer resumes their story.
We find Hazzard, SARAH, WILSON (and Danny?) burying Hoyt in the woods, the waiting room forgotten, and Hazzard and Sarah back at each other’s throats.
Little do the characters know the writer has rewritten their fate—SARAH is to kill HAZZARD... as narrated by Wilson, “Just do it already! Don’t you see? This is our final collapse. The end.”
SARAH has an epiphany—memories of the waiting room come flooding back, “This script, Wilson! We’re characters!” Empowered by her own free will, she refrains from killing Hazzard and convinces him they have another chance with a kiss.
Realizing WILSON has has the power of narration, SARAH encourages him to transport them to the writer, “If the writer is allowed to go free, he will edit this out, and we’ll lose our freedom, our awakening... (Looking at Hazzard.) Our only kiss.”
The trio successfully arrives at the Writer/Director’s apartment building, sneak in and await his return home.
Arriving home, WRITER/DIRECTOR is shocked to discover characters from his own imagination lying in wait to bind him with duct tape.
Having gotten ahead of their own plan, the trio is surprised by a knock at the door—the doorway Wilson opened has freed the vengeful band of other abandoned characters, lead by PHILLIP SOMETHINGWORTH III, who have come for their revenge – “The doorway! I knew we shouldn’t have just left it there!”
Forcing their way into the apartment, PHILLIP SOMETHINGWORTH III and his cronies threaten the trio, demanding the Writer’s head, “Eight long years I’ve been stuck, dining on gruel barely fit for the poorhouses! Do you know how difficult it is to eat with THIS?! (Indicating his giant mustache.)”
Brandishing his gun, Somethingworth accidentally fires shooting HAZZARD in the gut. The couple comes together as SARAH fears for the worst.
Having misdirected Somethingworth and his henchmen on a wild goose chase, GIRLFRIEND supports WRITER/DIRECTOR as he attempts to save the Dean family by rewriting their destiny. Can he overcome the demons in his head...
… and give his characters happy endings?
Will girlfriend and writer/director mend their relationship? Have Real-Life Writer/Director and REAL-LIFE GIRLFRIEND found their own happy ending?
More about the Story

Two sides of a fantasy:

A quarreling husband and wife comically attempt to cover up her lover’s murder only to realize that they are actually characters in a neurotic writer’s unfinished screenplay. Facing death… or worse, the couple must put aside their marital difficulties and defeat the writer to reclaim their lives.

Struggling in life and love, a screenwriter labors to overcome obstacles of his own conception to complete his masterwork and keep the love of his life. When the levee between reality and fantasy breaks, the writer must face vengeful characters of his own works bent on retribution for the wrongs they feel he has bestowed upon them. Can he create a happy ever after?

“Our Fantasies Are Eating Us Alive!” is a comedy with elements of adventure, fantasy and romance. Sharp comedic dialogue, quick-paced action, and intriguingly imperfect characters engage the audience as the plot unfolds across three dimensions (fiction, limbo and reality). Scene by scene audience support of the characters grows, as we root for their survival and happiness, yet question weather the flaws inherent in all of us will prove insurmountable for the hapless writer and his characters.

Get Involved!

Contribute to Kickstarter

We launched our online fundraising campaign through Kickstarter on Saturday, April 26 (ends May 31) to fund the production of Who Is Somethingworth? our short film based on characters from our feature, currently in development, Our Fantasies Are Eating Us Alive!  The contributions you make through Kickstarter will fund cast, crew, equipment, permits, etc. required to make our short film.

It is easy – just go to Kickstarter.com now though Saturday, May 31, register and make a contribution of any amount (we give you some great goodies in appreciation!).

Click here to support our Kickstarter Campaign!

Invest/Distribute

Don’t Mind If I Do Films is looking for investor and distribution partners for our feature Our Fantasies Are Eating Us Alive! Go to Contact Us—we would love to hear from you.

Script & Treatment

Script

Download the Our Fantasies Are Eating Us Alive! treatment and request a copy of the feature film script. Check out our short film scripts – Who Is Somethingworth? and Goodbye Girl currently in development.

Feature & Short Scripts

Treatment

Click here to download the treatment of our feature film script, Our Fantasies Are Eating Us Alive!

 

Feature Treatment

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